It sucks to be lonely

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In love with someone you can’t forgive

Listen to that restless feeling

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Lately at work, I’ve been experiencing that restless feeling of wanting to leave and explore.  It gnaws at you and you fill it with food, distractions, and whatever you can find, but it is still there.  It makes you uneasy and ready to leave, so I did.  I left and the feeling has dissipated.  I felt like that as well in a previous relationship, but kept tucking it away.  I tucked it away for four years until I couldn’t ignore it anymore.  I decided to put some distance between us and it give me a lot of breathing room to assess what I really wanted.  I didn’t understand the feeling at first, but I realize now that it is not something to be ignored.  When you are in a bad situation, you know it and if you can’t come to terms with it, you will still feel restless.  Feeling restless means you want to escape, and a lot of people are in that boat.

You don’t always have to leave, but you should confront that feeling.  Ask why you are feeling restless and tackle the issue.  Leaving does not always solve the problem, so get to the core of it.  If you get that feeling over and over and leave every time only to feel restless, know that there is something missing in you.  Search for what you really desire in a job, a mate, a home, or yourself.  If you find you are trying to outrun yourself, know that nothing will ever satisfy you, so you need to stop and figure it out.  Above all else, listen to yourself and your needs.  If it means letting go, you let go.  If it means reevaluating your priorities, then do so.  If it means you need to do some soul searching, leaving will not work.  You must instead look within.

Unconditional Vs Conditional Love

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Some people think a relationship with mutual unconditional love is true love, but it isn’t.  So what is the difference between them?  Unconditional love means that you’ll continue to love a person no matter what happens.  Conditional love means you’ll only love them if they follow your rules.  Sometimes, we get the two mixed up and think that we have to love our romantic partner unconditionally, so we keep taking abuse to prove how much we love them.  That is not true love.  True love means loving someone so much that you want to give them the best, even if it means leaving them.  If you truly love someone, you will know that they are growing as a person and that may mean they can grow more without you and you can let them.

What happens if you stay in a unconditional love relationship?  It’s not healthy.  You should not love someone unconditionally because that it what’s been handed down to you.  The only time you should ever love anyone unconditionally is if you have a child.  Other than that, to have a respectful and nurturing relationship, you must change the terms of your relationship and your love to conditional.  Oftentimes, those who are looking for unconditional love from a romantic relationship are seeking out the unconditional love they are lacking from their parental relationship.  It is not healthy to confuse the two and believe that someone will love you no matter what you do.  What this does is set the relationship up for failure because either party believes they can do whatever they want and still be loved.

It’s okay to feel guilty if you can’t offer unconditional love because that’s what you’ve been taught your whole life to give, but do not feel guilty for leaving.  When you leave, you  are allowing them to grow and allowing yourself the respect that you deserve.  If you stay knowing that you are being disrespected, you help to lower your own self esteem and it becomes a viscous cycle.  Love like you’ve never been hurt, but also love with respect for yourself.

From broken homes to broken relationships

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I came across an article about kids who came from broken homes, where many expressed feelings of not being able to connect with others and yet having an urge to form relationships with them.  It’s sad to acknowledge this, but this is a segment of society that should be noted, for they oftentimes lack the love and comfort of youth that many take for granted.  Because they had no security and/or sense of belonging, they would question themselves and their self-worth.  Most of these individuals went on to become functioning members of society, but some expressed the desire just to be loved even though they knew they didn’t have the skills to deal with relationships.

How can you allow someone to love you if no one else has shown you love as a child?  To know that you are not good enough causes you to rethink every relationship and every move you make.  Are you doing enough?  Is this the end?  Are you disposable?  I think these people can love like no other, but some of them cannot allow themselves to be loved because they think they are not worthy of being loved.  Because of this, they may sabotage relationships, retreat back into themselves, and recreate their early childhood again.  Then, they may ask why no one loves them when they are actually seeking out the unconditional love of a parent and not the conditional love of a romantic partner.

If they can grasp that, they may be able to stop projecting onto their romantic partner and see what they are doing to cause the demise of their relationships.  Secondly, they will need to start loving themselves in order to know they are capable and worthy of receiving love.  To do so, they must forgive themselves what they don’t know and deal with the trauma of the past.  If they can start accepting who they are, they will be able to view relationships in a different light.  A parent’s unconditional love is such a strong beacon that it calls to us our whole lives, and when it is absent, it leaves us in the dark on how we should care for ourselves and what love we can accept from others.

28 is when girls lower their standards

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I was telling my boyfriend that when girls hit 28, they suddenly realize that they are two years from being 30 and they are still unmarried and childless, so they lower their standards to reach that goal.  His sister was telling him that she knows this chick who is intelligent, beautiful, accomplished, and yet, she was pining away for this guy who didn’t really want to be with her who didn’t quite have his life figured out.  I asked, “is she 28?” He texted her that question and she texted back yes.  Of course, she’s 28, because that’s when girls realize their options are running out.

Go to the bar and just ask random girls their ages. If they’re 28, you’ve got a way better shot with them.  Here’s the part I get all touch-feely: girls feel the pressure of society to be married and have kids to be successful, thus they greatly feel the age limit of 35 child-bearing years pushing down on them.  Because of this, they sometimes aggressively push for it at the magically designated age of 28.  My boyfriend was like, ‘does that apply to you because you’re Asian?’  I told him no, because we get married at 15, so I’m way overdue anyways.  And I just want to say for the record, settling is not that bad.  Oftentimes, girls get this idea into their head that they are going to meet this perfect guy who intuitively understands them, and that isn’t the case.

Girls think that guys think the same as them, so when they are offended a potential suitor did something, they think it was done on purpose, so they cut them off immediately.  Don’t be so quick to judge guys because they do not think the same as women.  You should always have standards on which to judge a potential mate, but also know that they can be flexible.  In the first stages of dating, a girl wants a man who shows just the right amount of attention: not too much and not too little, so they know they are liked, but not too much so that there is still chase.  A lot of guys don’t realize this, and the ones that do know how to play the game play it much better than most girls do.

You spent your whole life wondering if he really likes you when you should ask if you really like yourself.  If you like yourself, the right one will eventually come around, just give him a chance.

How to Change a Man

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Is your boyfriend not treating you right? Is he not living up to your standards?  Do you want him to just try more and want him to change to suit your needs?  Well, this is the article for you because I can show you that there is absolutely no way you can change him while you are with him.  That’s right, he will not change for you.  You can post as many memes as you want about him not appreciating who you until you’re gone, but I think you don’t appreciate who you are to stay with him if you are not satisfied.  Ladies, guys will not change for YOU, they only change for THEMSELVES!  You can try every which way to try to change them, but what incentive do they have to change when they already have you?  Because you threaten them that you’ll leave is not good enough because guess what, you’re still here.  Pretty soon, they see your threats as empty because you say them so often.  And another meme is born.  There’s another one.  What you need to realize is your own worth and what you’re willing to put up with.  If this is not what you want out of a mate, then find someone who does possess those qualities, because I assure you that man is out there, but the more you spout things like ‘good guys don’t exist,’ the more you buy into the idea that you deserve someone who is not worthy of you.

Here’s the mistake some women make: they don’t leave for long enough. You may leave him for a month and he may profess his desires to change, but you’ll eventually find out he didn’t really change.  If you intend for the relationship to work, you have to leave for a longer period of time,  and maybe in that time, you’ll realize what you actually want.  But you fear that he’ll change and be good for another girl, but not you.  So what?  He wasn’t what you wanted when you were with him and he only changed when you left and that isn’t what you deserved.  In the meantime, concentrate on building who you are and what you’re willing to accept from others.  You teach people how to treat you because if you constantly let someone walk all over you, you let them know that you’re willing to accept that.  Most importantly, learn how to properly treat yourself because no one else is going to value you if you don’t value yourself.  In conclusion, you do not have the power to change a  man-unless you leave him and give up all rights.  If you can accept that, you can start to change your own life instead of his.