In many relationships, we find ourselves at stagnant points and we secretly dream about what it would be like to be with an ex or another person whom we could’ve been with. I recently read something that if you have had many partners, this may hinder your ability to be happy with your current relationship. This came as a shock to me because I’ve always felt that it helps to have multiple partners, for it can show you what you really want in a mate and help you appreciate what you do have. However, there are many who do not feel this way. Those who think often about ‘the other woman’ do so because of inadequacies in their personal lives, their relationship, or themselves. When this happens, they tend to dream about a different life and a different path that may have played out.
What this does is that it causes a larger rift in your current relationship. You will slowly disengage from your partner because you feel as if you are missing out. You will constantly think about this other person and build them into someone they never really were in real life. They are but a shadow of someone you knew, and yet, the dream is ever so enticing. It’s easy to blame your current situation and romanticize the past as a form of escapism, but it does not help anyone. The truth is, there is no knowing what would’ve happened if you had actually continued on in that path, but the fact that you keep obsessing over it prevents you from enjoying and appreciating what you currently have. If you don’t let these obsessions go, they will consume you and your future. You will always feel cheated and angry that life did not deliver what you thought it promised.
The truth is: life has never promised you anything. It never promised you a soul mate. If you keep holding on to the idea that you are owed these things, you will always feel resentful towards yourself, your life, and your current partner. If you are able to accept life for what it is, you will be able to enjoy it for what it is. Oftentimes, we are secretive people who live in our own thoughts, rarely sharing them with our partner. We dream of another time and place where our life could be instead of admitting that we are not happy with where we are. If you are not happy with your partner, confront those feelings. If you are not happy with your life, ask why. If you are not happy with yourself, change how you view yourself. Change what you can, and what you can’t change, change how you view it. Oftentimes, that is the only change we really need.