I see posts where ladies keep writing about waiting for the right man to come along.  I just recently watched a video analogy comparing girls to fruit on a tree, where the bad apples are at the bottom and the good ones are at the top.  It was super cute, but the only thing wrong with that depiction is that it propagates the idea that women have to keep waiting for a man to find them.  It’s deep in our culture and society that women simply do not ask men out and thus, they just wait around for men to ask them.  Unfortunately, I’m of this camp and also would never ask a guy out.  It’s outdated and archaic, but I just can’t. That doesn’t mean I will not ask them to do things outside of a date.  My boyfriend thinks this is backwards of me, but it’s been ingrained.  Honestly, if women waited for their knight in shining armor to come along, they’d be waiting forever.  And in the meantime, they feel incredibly lonely and doubt if they are good enough, if they’ll ever find anyone, or where their life is going.  As such, they may make bad choices in dating to ease the loneliness at the expense of their happiness.  Would you rather be lonely and alone or miserable and with someone?  If you can embrace yourself, you can be happy by yourself.

It’s a tall order and it certainly doesn’t mean that you still won’t feel bouts of loneliness, but it means that you will be content with yourself when there is no one else around.  When I was single for two years, I found out who I was and what I wanted out of life.  I found out I really enjoyed my company.  I cracked myself up.  I can spend hours with myself and be completely happy.  I learned to love my flaws and see myself as valuable.  That was the most important lesson: to value myself before anyone else tried to value me.  Many times, people of all genders will make their own assumptions of you and make a valuation of you, but you can keep your head high when you can live by your own value and not theirs.  You will always have this core confidence to get through your day and your life.  When you start to see yourself as a valuable asset, you’ll make better choices of who to date and be friends with because your time is precious.   And when you start seeing yourself in this way, other people will also recognize you in this light.  You are only as valuable as you believe you are, so concentrate on building your self-esteem.  It will be your most prized asset in this life against people who will try to tear you down.

When it comes to men, I think we women need to broaden our horizons and take our future into our own hands.  Try new things.  Find new friends.  Always put your best self forward.  Volunteer.  Be involved.  Get to know a person for who they really are.  If you find you keep dating the same kind of guy, please find a different circle of friends.  If you keep finding yourself in abusive relationships, reevaluate how you value and see yourself.  If you’re not happy, change your mind-set before your start enacting changes within your own life.  You will be constantly changing your whole life and if you happen to have a few years by yourself, please use this precious time to get to know yourself before you get to know someone else.  We definitely learn through our mistakes, but if we never have any time in between to really expound upon them, we will never truly understand ourselves.  Instead, we jump straight into another relationship because we fear the loneliness so much and never have time to reflect on what has passed.  Take the time for yourself and your future relationships.  Honestly, I can’t promise you’ll find the one or anyone for that matter, but if you happen to find yourself and your own worth, that is all that matters and I promise you, you’ll feel less lonely when you have.