Many people are pointing out the hypocrisy of the sentencing of Brock Turner for his rape of an unconscious woman juxtaposed against the 8 year prison sentence of a then 14 year old Davontae Sanford for crimes he was coerced into admitting to but never actually committed.  There are some who still don’t see the inherent racism and classism about these two cases.  Brock Turner received a lighter sentence because he was perceived as a high-functioning member  of society partly because he was an All-American swimmer.  Marcus Dixon, a black man who was also a star football athlete, faced the same fate, but was handed down a stiff sentence of 10  years.  It was later overturned, but why did one man get off so lightly when another didn’t?

Let’s put race off the table.  Let’s say there are no people of color and only people from different social and economic classes.  Those who are perceived to be at the top of these classes are seen as contributing members of society simply because they have wealth.  Because of their wealth, they are able to obtain the highest levels of education and procure professions that would bar those who were less advantageous.  They are able to access exclusive clubs and forge contacts with those in high positions.  Because they are educated, they are more able to navigate the legal system and have the wealth to extricate themselves out of situations that those who are poor do not.  When a man of this stature arrives before a judge, the judge unknowingly takes these biases into consideration.  A man who is poor may not cooperate, but a wealthier one will and in their minds, be able to contribute to society further upon their release.  So it is in their best judgement to give more lenient sentences to contributing members of society than those who do not.

Now, if you inject race into it, the water grows murkier.  If you are constantly bombarded with images that black people commit crimes and a black person is in court, this unconscious bias may already sway you.  If the laws are directed disproportionately toward all those who are poor, those who are poor and minorities will be more affected than those who are not.  We all carry biases, and that is okay.  What isn’t okay is the fact that we deny this.  The denial of these biases is what creates imbalances because there are no check and balances to what we feel.  It is not only because Turner is white and privileged that he is getting off and Davontae is poor and black.  It is because we unconsciously assign certain societal attributes to these classes of people and it is these biases that shape our views of them for better or for worse.  This will never change, but what can change is the acknowledgement of it.

I’ve been reading articles about what exactly constitutes an old soul and found that most articles on the internet are reiterating the same thing with nothing particularly new.  I like some points such as all souls are old souls, but some have just experienced more, that these souls seem to understand more than others, and how they relate to the world around them.  Firstly, I must believe in the existence of a soul because I think we are more than just our body.  That’s just my belief.  Once I believe that, I have to consider the possibility of old souls.  For me, an old soul is and always will be an outsider.

As an outsider, they see everything with the eyes of a child because they can detach themselves from their present surroundings.  By present surroundings, I mean cultural practices, socially-accepted ideas, and what is perceived as normal.  To an outsider, normal is abnormal because there is no rule to them that it has to be that way.  Because of that, they are able to question long-held beliefs without judgement.  They see that time is set, but the rules we construct to govern ourselves are pliable because they have always changed.  To hold on to arcane beliefs just because those who came before us held onto them without question is absurd.  If we cannot question our world, we control nothing.

At the essence of an old soul is someone who is very sure of themselves.  They have always known who they were.  They may have changed different notions about themselves as they age, but they have always known exactly who they are and how significant their interactions are with those around them and the wider world.   At the same time, they are withdrawn from their peers but also extremely aware of how they affect them.  They have an almost clinical fascination with others because they are interested in how people act, but not particularly affected by them because they see the larger picture.  This may make others perceive them as cold, but they can be both caring and disinterested at the same time.

They knew things as children that most children don’t understand.  As they age, they can still hold on their childhood innocence because it is easy for them to perceive all ages at once.  They learn from other’s mistakes so they don’t have to go through them themselves.  They are always listening and taking things in, but can also drown the entire world out and seem very withdrawn.  They may not always understand societal rules and may refuse to conform who they are to the norm.  Those who are more enlightened old souls will understand some conformity is needed if they want to actually change the environment they live in.  These ones see what is and what could be and know how change can come about.  They also know what they have to do to bring change.

Divorce can be extremely traumatizing to children, so sometimes, parents avoid it at the cost of their personal happiness.  We’d do anything for our kids, but sometimes, we fail to explain what divorce is and what will happen to our kids, and this is what causes issues that can stay with a kid into adulthood.  When nothing is explained, kids internalize the guilt and blame themselves for the disintegration of their family.  If they do not know who they will stay with or what will happen to the family, they can become fearful of the future and reassign the importance of their own identity.  If they don’t know what is happening, they don’t have the time to process who they are at the moment when everything is torn apart.

Divorce in itself is healthy because you are separating from something that is no longer working, but if there are children involved, parents need to explain the reasons for it and explicitly let them know it had nothing to do with them.  Kids needs boundaries and rules to feel safe, so it’s best to explain to them exactly what will happen to them and how their time will be divided.  I’m not even going to go into the bickering between parents because that is obviously detrimental to the growth of kids.  If a kid hears someone berating one of their parents, they feel as if they are berating them because they are a part of their parent.  It is best to explain their actions if applicable, but still reinforce the love the parent has for them.

I’ve always been a little awkward.  Okay, I lie.  A lot awkward and it used to hold me back from meeting people and new experiences.  What if they don’t like me?  What if I say the wrong thing?  Don’t you just hate awkward silences?  No, that’s just me hoping you won’t continue this conversation because I don’t know how to talk.  I’ve become a lot more confident in myself, but I find I am still awkward and have just learned to embrace it.  I’m never going to be perfectly poised, but I’ll always have a sarcastic comment poised to take you down like a wildebeest.  You know how they say courage is not the absence of fear but the decision to continue despite it?  Well, that’s what confidence is.  Confidence is not about the absence of awkwardness, but the ability to continue despite it.

Being awkward is awesome!  Sometimes people think you’re being a snotty bitch who refuses to talk to others when in actuality, you’re just awkward.  You give people strange answers that make them bat their eyes, but if you’re confident, you can make it a memorable moment that both of you can laugh about.  You call it awkward.  I call it quirky and I’m damn quirky!  I accept it and know it’s a part of me because that’s just me.  When you learn to embrace all your detracting values, you learn to love exactly who you are.  Now say it with me: I’m awkward and I’m not afraid to admit it!  Whew!  Now, let’s join that after-school Star Trek club.

We’re always looking for patterns. Sometimes, we make it out of nothing, and sometimes, we completely miss them all together.  Most of the time, we want to make sense of our lives and draw some meaning from it, so we try to make a pattern out of nothing.  We say it was meant to be or there is a reasoning behind a certain act.  This makes us feel like we can control our destinies and feel more secure in an unsecure world.  What we fail to do is make patterns of our ourselves.  We don’t see the pattern in history and continue to repeat mistakes and blame others for acts we did in the past.  We don’t recognize the patterns of those around us and how they affect everyone involved.

There is pattern to poverty.  It allows a segment of society to be scapegoated and loathed while an other is defined.  There is a pattern to political power.  It allows an elite few to gain power through fear-mongering and the persecution of some.  There is a pattern to religious power.  It allows groups to proclaim rights in the name of their gods without impunity.  There are simple patterns in how people avoid their problems, but we fail to recognize them over and over. Someone is crying out for help when they are drinking heavily and promiscuous if they were not in the past, but we only see their actions and not the root.

We fail to recognize these patterns because they give no immediate meaning to our lives.  They don’t uplift us in any way, so we do not care to look for these patterns even though it is through these patterns that we can predict outcomes and be able to read people better.  There are patterns every where.  If it is not an isolated case, and a problem arises with a pattern, a broad solution can be proposed to solve the issue.  Except we don’t solve these issues because we blame the individual instead of the pattern.  There will always be individuals who take advantage of the situation, but for the most part, the pattern is what should be blamed.  If we can realize the importance of this, we can stop dehumanizing our neighbors and help them instead.

We’ve all had something happen to us beyond our control that has been emotionally and/or physically devastating.  When these events unfold, we cope with them in different ways.  Some of us tuck it neatly away and never try to think about it again.  Some of us let the tragedy become us and the reason why we cannot move on.  Some of us choose denial, which is different than compartmentalization.  The latter involves moving an issue to the far-reaches of our mind while still acknowledging it, while denial is the act of denying the issue altogether.  This is the most harmful decision of the two, for it forces you to deny a part of who you are and what happened to you.  Compartmentalization can be healthy if it allows a person to move on in the near present.  Although we could choose to go down many of these paths, many of us pick either one of two options: we either choose to let it become our excuse, or we choose to grow directly because of it.

No decision is innately wrong, but the most healthy choice is to decide to see what happened as a learning experience.  We must realize we always have a choice and we can choose to remain stagnant or grow.  When we are stagnant, we are more prone to unhappiness, but if we see life as chances to grow and change, we suddenly see opportunities to be happier.  It doesn’t guarantee you happiness, but remaining stagnant will ensure depression.  Sometimes, we don’t realize the options we have and think we are limited because of that.  However, there are always options whether you realize it or not.  Every day, you make the decision to be where you are.  Once you see that you do have control of your life, you’ll recognize that your options are endless.

We can never change the past, but we can change how we feel about it and what we can do about it.  We have to see that these events have shaped us into who we are today and we wouldn’t have the vision we do if we didn’t endure these things.  We know things other people who did not experience them do.  We can choose to see these defining moments in our lives as excuses that hold us back or the reasons why we succeed today.  Tragedy is not what happens to us, but what we continue to hold on to.  This is the real tragedy in life, for we have never really escaped it mentally.  I’m not saying it’s as simple as saying you are over a situation, but it starts at the very simple act of just acknowledging the trauma and letting it either change us or changing because of it.