Divorce and children


Divorce can be extremely traumatizing to children, so sometimes, parents avoid it at the cost of their personal happiness.  We’d do anything for our kids, but sometimes, we fail to explain what divorce is and what will happen to our kids, and this is what causes issues that can stay with a kid into adulthood.  When nothing is explained, kids internalize the guilt and blame themselves for the disintegration of their family.  If they do not know who they will stay with or what will happen to the family, they can become fearful of the future and reassign the importance of their own identity.  If they don’t know what is happening, they don’t have the time to process who they are at the moment when everything is torn apart.

Divorce in itself is healthy because you are separating from something that is no longer working, but if there are children involved, parents need to explain the reasons for it and explicitly let them know it had nothing to do with them.  Kids needs boundaries and rules to feel safe, so it’s best to explain to them exactly what will happen to them and how their time will be divided.  I’m not even going to go into the bickering between parents because that is obviously detrimental to the growth of kids.  If a kid hears someone berating one of their parents, they feel as if they are berating them because they are a part of their parent.  It is best to explain their actions if applicable, but still reinforce the love the parent has for them.

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