As I get older and and closer to the end, the more I think about my own demise, leading me on an existential crisis, where I question everything. I know it will happen, but it still strikes fear in me the finality of it all. The bleakness. The darkness. What happens to us after we die? Where do we go? I guess this is the stuff that midlife crises are made of. Death comes for us all, but many fear what it brings. I fear losing who I am and what I’ve built and I fear the unknown. The only thing that tethers me back to reality is the thought of my family, especially my son. I have to remind myself that the only way for me to be able to experience having a son was to be born, to live, and to die. That is the trade-off. In exchange for death, we get to experience life in all of its grandeur and terribleness. We get to love, laugh, cry, and experience emotions we wouldn’t be able to otherwise. Although this comforts me, the thought inevitably seeps back into my mind and I am flooded with anxiety.
Death also shows us how precious life is and how we need to enjoy it while we can. There are people who seek out death for medical reasons, and I think they should have that right, but for the majority of us, we need to be reminded of the gift of life and what it means for us. It means to be able to smell flowers, to glide your hand through water, and to love. Love transcends so many things, even death. After we leave, there will still be those that love us and remember us. Whether there is an afterlife is up for debate, but I do know that I’m glad for this chance to experience this life at this moment with these people. Death can also connect us in that we must all experience the grief of losing someone and know that those who come after us will also experience the same grief. Instead of being siloed in our grief, we can see that even in these moments, we are still connected.
Perhaps death is the great equalizer, for we know it waits for no one. There are billionaires who fight death with underground bunkers, private estates, and doomsday prepping, but even they can’t escape their fate. Perhaps they need to be reminded that no amount of money can give them eternal life, but it can help their fellow man live an easier life. Perhaps death exists to still humble us and show us that we still have that in common with our neighbors. As many of us age, some of us really start to take our health seriously, knowing we have limited time on this earth. Youth is made for mistakes, but our older age is made for corrections. Instead of fighting death, we should think of the legacy we leave behind. Who are we if we not trying to make the future better for those who come after us?
For me, I do believe in an afterlife. I believe our souls go on and seek out other experiences. That doesn’t make the thought of death any more palatable. We are learning all the time, and I believe death is another experience where we must learn to let go.
Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash
