Tag: love

Who’s Afraid of a Little Death?

Who’s Afraid of a Little Death?

As I get older and and closer to the end, the more I think about my own demise, leading me on an existential crisis, where I question everything. I know it will happen, but it still strikes fear in me the finality of it all. The bleakness. The darkness. What happens to us after we die? Where do we go? I guess this is the stuff that midlife crises are made of. Death comes for us all, but many fear what it brings. I fear losing who I am and what I’ve built and I fear the unknown. The only thing that tethers me back to reality is the thought of my family, especially my son. I have to remind myself that the only way for me to be able to experience having a son was to be born, to live, and to die. That is the trade-off. In exchange for death, we get to experience life in all of its grandeur and terribleness. We get to love, laugh, cry, and experience emotions we wouldn’t be able to otherwise. Although this comforts me, the thought inevitably seeps back into my mind and I am flooded with anxiety.

Death also shows us how precious life is and how we need to enjoy it while we can. There are people who seek out death for medical reasons, and I think they should have that right, but for the majority of us, we need to be reminded of the gift of life and what it means for us. It means to be able to smell flowers, to glide your hand through water, and to love. Love transcends so many things, even death. After we leave, there will still be those that love us and remember us. Whether there is an afterlife is up for debate, but I do know that I’m glad for this chance to experience this life at this moment with these people. Death can also connect us in that we must all experience the grief of losing someone and know that those who come after us will also experience the same grief. Instead of being siloed in our grief, we can see that even in these moments, we are still connected.

Perhaps death is the great equalizer, for we know it waits for no one. There are billionaires who fight death with underground bunkers, private estates, and doomsday prepping, but even they can’t escape their fate. Perhaps they need to be reminded that no amount of money can give them eternal life, but it can help their fellow man live an easier life. Perhaps death exists to still humble us and show us that we still have that in common with our neighbors. As many of us age, some of us really start to take our health seriously, knowing we have limited time on this earth. Youth is made for mistakes, but our older age is made for corrections. Instead of fighting death, we should think of the legacy we leave behind. Who are we if we not trying to make the future better for those who come after us?

For me, I do believe in an afterlife. I believe our souls go on and seek out other experiences. That doesn’t make the thought of death any more palatable. We are learning all the time, and I believe death is another experience where we must learn to let go.

Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash

Why Do Some Women Need a Man?

Why Do Some Women Need a Man?

Not everyone needs a partner and while it’s certainly nice to have one, it’s not necessary to have a happy life. And sometimes, a partner is not only someone who takes an emotional load off of you, but also a financial load. In this capitalist society, it seems you may even need a partner or roommate to afford a home and live the lifestyle you want. However, there is a difference between needing a partner economically and needing one emotionally. The first allows you to lead a more enriched life, but the second leaves you emotionally dependent on them. So when does it become toxic, because don’t we all want a strong, emotional connection with our partner? Although it’s nice to have the connection, when you depend on your partner to fulfill all your emotional needs to the point that you prioritize their well-being over yours, it becomes toxic. When this happens, everything becomes contingent on the other person staying in the relationship.

While this scenario may happen to men, it happens most often with women. Women tend to form more emotional bonds and find others to fulfill these roles. And so we must ask why they do this? Oftentimes, these women have unfulfilled emotional needs that stem from their childhoods in the form of unfulfilled parental love. Sometimes, it could be a traumatic event that opens a gaping hole in their psyche. Or perhaps they never learned about boundaries and accepting what is given to them. Whatever it is, it leads these women to feel as if they are lacking and it’s easier to find someone to try to pave over the hole than it is to investigate it themselves. On top of that, society rewards us for coupling up and finding a partner, so you feel fulfilled internally and externally when you do find someone. We’re expected to find someone and no one really questions who it is. Because of all these reasons, hetero women tend to seek out an emotional connection with men because we’re wired to.

Even though many of us seek out these emotional connections for healthy reasons, some of us do so because we think it fulfills a need that we cannot complete ourselves. It is perfectly reasonable to want to be emotionally connected to your partner, but if everything hinges on if that person stays or not, ask what you are missing within yourself. As humans, we will always seek out the company of others because we are social creatures, but some of us are masking our own emotional holes with relationships that are band-aids. That makes us ticking time bombs as we try to show the world that we’re doing ok, but internally, we are in so much turmoil and try to deflect with external relationships. Introspection can be a daunting task, but it truly is a form of self-love that will eventually lead us to our true self and that in turn will lead us to someone who will ultimately complement our lives.

Photo by The HK Photo Company on Unsplash