Tag: death

Who’s Afraid of a Little Death?

Who’s Afraid of a Little Death?

As I get older and and closer to the end, the more I think about my own demise, leading me on an existential crisis, where I question everything. I know it will happen, but it still strikes fear in me the finality of it all. The bleakness. The darkness. What happens to us after we die? Where do we go? I guess this is the stuff that midlife crises are made of. Death comes for us all, but many fear what it brings. I fear losing who I am and what I’ve built and I fear the unknown. The only thing that tethers me back to reality is the thought of my family, especially my son. I have to remind myself that the only way for me to be able to experience having a son was to be born, to live, and to die. That is the trade-off. In exchange for death, we get to experience life in all of its grandeur and terribleness. We get to love, laugh, cry, and experience emotions we wouldn’t be able to otherwise. Although this comforts me, the thought inevitably seeps back into my mind and I am flooded with anxiety.

Death also shows us how precious life is and how we need to enjoy it while we can. There are people who seek out death for medical reasons, and I think they should have that right, but for the majority of us, we need to be reminded of the gift of life and what it means for us. It means to be able to smell flowers, to glide your hand through water, and to love. Love transcends so many things, even death. After we leave, there will still be those that love us and remember us. Whether there is an afterlife is up for debate, but I do know that I’m glad for this chance to experience this life at this moment with these people. Death can also connect us in that we must all experience the grief of losing someone and know that those who come after us will also experience the same grief. Instead of being siloed in our grief, we can see that even in these moments, we are still connected.

Perhaps death is the great equalizer, for we know it waits for no one. There are billionaires who fight death with underground bunkers, private estates, and doomsday prepping, but even they can’t escape their fate. Perhaps they need to be reminded that no amount of money can give them eternal life, but it can help their fellow man live an easier life. Perhaps death exists to still humble us and show us that we still have that in common with our neighbors. As many of us age, some of us really start to take our health seriously, knowing we have limited time on this earth. Youth is made for mistakes, but our older age is made for corrections. Instead of fighting death, we should think of the legacy we leave behind. Who are we if we not trying to make the future better for those who come after us?

For me, I do believe in an afterlife. I believe our souls go on and seek out other experiences. That doesn’t make the thought of death any more palatable. We are learning all the time, and I believe death is another experience where we must learn to let go.

Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash

Why are Some Ghosts Doomed to Roam the Earth?

Why are Some Ghosts Doomed to Roam the Earth?

Whether or not you believe in ghosts, everyone understands the concept of what a ghost is. So, what is a ghost? A ghost is an incorporeal being who was previously a human. Most cultures and societies have myths and tall tales of ghosts and what happens to us after death and as such, the concept of ghosts have seeped into the mainstream even though many people don’t believe in them. Putting aside that belief, what makes a ghost a ghost? Who becomes a ghost? And why do some linger longer on this earth than others? Ghosts are simply those who cannot let go of their feelings and it’s their feelings that tie them to the physical realm.

Throughout history, how we have viewed and treated feelings have varied. In 50’s America, feelings were treated as non-existent. They were not valued and had no place in society because they were seen as superfluous. As society has progressed, feelings were given much more importance as we have multiple types of therapists, self-help books, and groups to aid with different issues. Why have our feelings on feelings changed? We’ve come to understand how big of a role they play in our lives and how they affect us going forward. Has this been detrimental to society? With change, there is always good and bad. Acknowledging our feelings opens us up to a wider world of hurt, but it also includes more people into the conversation. This can be seen in how we treat soldiers after a war. In the past, feelings were pushed aside and soldiers knew to stuff their thoughts and feelings aside and live their lives. This led to many unfulfilled lives, but not too much turmoil that everyone saw. Nowadays, we try to at least acknowledge what soldiers have gone through, albeit it’s a work in progress. This allows for them to be heard more, but opening up their feelings leads some to take their lives.

Some have argued that people are just much weaker than they used to be, but this is not true. We have just allowed ourselves to acknowledge our feelings more, which can cause more trauma. However, a world where we can express ourselves is much better than a world where we deny there is even an issue. What does this have to do with the importance of feelings and ghosts? Feelings anchor us to this world if we cannot let them go and the more we accept what our feelings are, the more we will understand the importance of letting them go. Even if you don’t believe in ghosts or reincarnation, believe in the idea that holding something within is not healthy for us. Currently, we are in a flux where we have traversed from never acknowledging our feelings to just opening up to the idea, but eventually, we must all come to the understanding that full acceptance is to understand that we must let all feelings go no matter how much they affect us.

What does that mean? Does that mean I forget about my mother who died so young and never got a chance to say good-bye? No, it means working through those feelings, acknowledging your pain, working through it, and finally accepting the fact that she is gone. To live in the pain is to forever be stuck in that time and become a slave to that hurt. It is a feat easier said than done, but I have come to cherish the time I had with my mother and understand everything we have is not truly ours. It is all a gift, and we must give it back some day. I honor our relationship and live in the joy of my memories of her even though the pain ebbs and flows, but I know I cannot be a ghost stuck in time to that pain. We as a society have a long way to go in working through the process, but we have started, and at this point in time, that is enough.

Photo by Šimom Caban on Unsplash