From broken homes to broken relationships

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I came across an article about kids who came from broken homes, where many expressed feelings of not being able to connect with others and yet having an urge to form relationships with them.  It’s sad to acknowledge this, but this is a segment of society that should be noted, for they oftentimes lack the love and comfort of youth that many take for granted.  Because they had no security and/or sense of belonging, they would question themselves and their self-worth.  Most of these individuals went on to become functioning members of society, but some expressed the desire just to be loved even though they knew they didn’t have the skills to deal with relationships.

How can you allow someone to love you if no one else has shown you love as a child?  To know that you are not good enough causes you to rethink every relationship and every move you make.  Are you doing enough?  Is this the end?  Are you disposable?  I think these people can love like no other, but some of them cannot allow themselves to be loved because they think they are not worthy of being loved.  Because of this, they may sabotage relationships, retreat back into themselves, and recreate their early childhood again.  Then, they may ask why no one loves them when they are actually seeking out the unconditional love of a parent and not the conditional love of a romantic partner.

If they can grasp that, they may be able to stop projecting onto their romantic partner and see what they are doing to cause the demise of their relationships.  Secondly, they will need to start loving themselves in order to know they are capable and worthy of receiving love.  To do so, they must forgive themselves what they don’t know and deal with the trauma of the past.  If they can start accepting who they are, they will be able to view relationships in a different light.  A parent’s unconditional love is such a strong beacon that it calls to us our whole lives, and when it is absent, it leaves us in the dark on how we should care for ourselves and what love we can accept from others.

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