I find myself more and more disconnected from my life and more plugged into social media. Even when I have no need for it, I reach for it because it is mindless and fills in the time. To be honest, it’s become an addiction to know the latest thing even when it doesn’t concern me. I’ve recently had a very tiny bout of depression about it because I feel as if it’s consumed my life lately. I feel as if I have no time for anything else, when that is not the reality. I’ve retrained myself to be more mindful of who I am in this digital age; for when I neglect my own wishes, I’m only wasting my own time. Whenever I feel as if my life is out of control, I try to put things into perspective to take control back.
I’m trying to limit my time on social media and really structure my day more so that I can fit in what I truly want to do like reading Margaret Atwood’s The Blind Assassin, catching up on episodes of Netflix’s Peaky Blinders, and writing my novel. I’m a realistic person and I know I can’t magically make more time in the day, but that I must work with the time I have. We sometimes get into a rut where we want to attain something, but we also are scared of the hard work that goes into it, so we do nothing and hate ourselves for doing nothing, causing a cycle of depression and guilt that spirals down. My boyfriend was just remarking that he didn’t want to turn out like his hermit uncle who had no girlfriend, but did nothing to remedy his own situation before me.
What’s worse? Finding out you didn’t get what you want or never finding out at all? There’s work to be put into this life and everything else is merely a distraction, albeit glorious distractions. There is a drive that propels us to want more, and some of us are born with it and some of us are not, but it can be developed. If it is not developed, unfortunately, it results in a lot of unhappy people with unfulfilled wishes. We’re all living in cocoons where we have goals in mind, but are also afraid of the pain we must endure to reach that goal, so we satisfy ourselves with distractions in the meantime. Sometimes, we just need a reminder that we must work with the time we’ve got and do our best, for time comes for us all.