The way we feel about ourselves is actually much more important than how we think about ourselves; but in order to change how we feel, we have to change how we think about ourselves.  If you feel like you are not worthy, a failure, ugly, or despise yourself, chances are that it is because you think badly about yourself.  However, thoughts can pop into our minds and leave, but feelings linger and they are the most important to our self-esteem and confidence.  If you’ve made some poor decisions in the past, you may hate the former you and feel extremely shameful for what you have done.  If you hate the way you look, you may feel guilty for how your body got there and the lack that you are doing to change it.  If you cannot form meaningful relationships with others, you may feel as if you are not worthy of being loved because you don’t love yourself.

First off, who is benefiting from you thinking this way?  Are you?  You gain nothing by constantly beating yourself up for things no one else can see.  You are fighting an imaginary war in your mind and you are always the loser, but no one else can see this and wonder why the beautiful girl at the bar thinks she’s ugly because her boyfriend tells her so he can lower her self-esteem so she won’t leave him.  Or the girl you are with doesn’t understand why you can love her, but it is you won’t allow her to love you even when she is giving you her entire world because you think you are not worthy.  You are the only one holding yourself back when you continue to feel this way about yourself.  If you don’t care about yourself and forgive yourself, you will never allow others to do the same.

If you are ready to move on, forgive yourself for all that you’ve done wrong.  That doesn’t mean you forget, but you let go of the shame.  Every time you bring up that memory, you recall the shame and it is not healthy.  Instead, connect a positive thought to it so that when you bring it up, you remind yourself of the positive thought and you’ll find that the shame disappears.  The memory has not changed, but your feelings about it have.  Learn to love all your faults that you see in yourself.  Everything that is imperfect about you and all the setbacks you’ve experienced have made you exactly who you are.  When you learn to love your detracting values, you will see the beauty in who you are.  Value your voice and your time.  Recognize that you hold power in your voice and that people seek to own power, so you must make sure you are heard.  People are forever in stages of flux, and you must know that if someone doesn’t value your time that you are investing, they are not worth your investment, for life is too short to spend your time on people who do not care about you.

If you are not your own best friend and cheerleader, who do you expect to be that person for you?  You may think it’s egotistical to believe the very best in yourself, but that’s because you’ve been at the other end of the spectrum and believe the very worst in yourself and the light at the end of the tunnel always looks scary from the other side.  When you think of yourself as someone whom you would want to be with, you will have finally accepted yourself for who you should be.