Someone asked how you let someone in after a considerably hard break up. How do you break down your wall and allow another person to truly see you? The real question is not how to let your guard down, but how do I overcome this hurt that impacted me so greatly. Once we tackle that question, the first one becomes much easier. After a break up, we punish ourselves for feeling the way we did. We think that we made a mistake in letting someone into our most inner spaces, so we push others out. On the surface, we are upset and angry, but internally, we are deeply hurt and sad. Thus, it is easier to blame our choices rather than accept what happened to us.
This hurt can be so tremendous that we build walls that no one can scale, but the truth is that the wall only exists so that we never can blame or hurt ourselves again. In the end, we are the ones who lose out. So how do we accept what happened to us instead of blaming our choices? We need to own our own actions and what brought us into that situation, but also recognize that there were things we could not control. This will allow us to have a fresh perspective on our experiences and guide us towards peace, for peace is acceptance of what you can’t change. Speak to the other person as if they were there or write them a letter and never mail it. Talk about your pain. Acknowledge your guilt and shame and then ultimately, learn to forgive yourself.For when we blame our choices, we tend to shy away from making them again in the future or constantly think about if we made the right choice. However, if we can learn to accept what happened, we can slowly move on.
If we choose not to acknowledge the pain we have endured, they become chains that we carry with us into each new relationship and interaction, always hindering us from seeing with fresh eyes. We can let this hurt destroy and change us into someone we don’t recognize or understand all because we can’t process the hurt. Pain happens, but we must acknowledge it and move forward in order to grow. If not, we will always remain hurt and scared. At the surface, we may lash out in anger or internally, we may always feel a sorrow that never goes away. We are quick to ask how we can move on, but we don’t ask how we can deal with the pain, because the process of that is much harder than simply letting your guard down.